The official terrible movie thread

Seeing as we’re celebrating great movies it seems only right that we poke fun at some bad ones. I’ll kick it off with a flick that was just released a couple of days ago, and is easily one of the worst major motion pictures I’ve seen in years.

David Ayer usually pumps out quality films (Training Day, End of Watch), and even his not so great ones are at least entertaining. Harsh Times, for example, is fun, but not a great movie by any stretch. My favorite review of the film said “it should have been called Two ■■■■■■■■ Riding Around in a Car”. If you’ve seen it, you no doubt understand the hilarity of that critique.

The Tax Collector is in the same vein of other Ayer hits, delving deep into the grit of LA gang subculture. He has found his niche, and typically does it justice, so I figured that at the very least it would be a good way to waste an evening. The plot had potential, but the story was ridiculous, and the acting was sub-par (outside of Shia Labeouf). Mix in a soundtrack that never takes a break (the hallmark of a crappy film) with this cliche-fest, and you get a steaming pile of ■■■■ that somehow manages to make 2020 just a little bit worse.

I have a bunch of kids, so I have some authority when I say that Moana and Tangled are both great, but Frozen is awful.

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I took my teenage son to see the last Terminator movie. (At least I thought it was the last one; I hope so.) I wanted my money back as I walked out about 2/3 of the way through. It was insultingly awful.

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Eden Lake was also awful. Has anyone here seen that who liked it? I’d be sincerely interested in knowing. The production values were good, it was just one of the more awful stories I’ve ever seen and I could not see the point.

It’s not a film, but a genre…the biopic. It’s even more formulaic than a superhero movie. Just plug a different rockstar/movie star/politician/etc. into the same script. Twice a year. Oscar bait.

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Yes! YES!!!

Actually Frozen 2 is worse, but why is Frozen soooooo popular?

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I know a lot of people liked it, but I walked out of Meet the Fockers. I also recall seeing a movie called Stuck on You that was a pile of hot garbage. Also can’t forget a Tyler Perry movie called Alex Cross that was a total piece of crap.

I also thought the majority of the new Star Wars movies were pretty bad. The JJ Abrams versions seemed desperate and bombastic.

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Star Wars enjoys it success because of its nostalgia for a lot of people. I was always amused by people’s annoyance with Jar Jar Binks and I would say, “Have you completely forgotten about C-3PO?”

And I say this as a fan of Star Wars actually… but not because I think they are the end all greatest films, I just enjoy the nostalgia and they are a lot of fun. JJ Abrams is all about fan service. Rian Johnson’s film was a straight up bad mix of fan service pretending to not be fan service, social justice warrior nonsense, and a firm desire to disrupt continuity with stupidity.

I’ll say that Rogue One might be the best movie of them all.

But since this is a terrible movie thread and we’re talking spaceships and aliens, can I submit Independence Day?

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Does anyone else remember, or try to forget Flash Gordon? Even though it was meant to be campy, it was straight up awful even for young me. The best part of it was the music. Come to think of it it, one that I wanted to like, but really is bad (aside from music) The Highlander, and Highlander 2. The 2nd was a straight up pile of steaming crap, the first could have been really good, but it wasn’t.

I made it about fifteen minutes in before I had to shut it off.

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Independence Day was pretty bad. I do like Jeff Goldblum in it though.

Wasn’t it Will Smith’s breakout role? He’s made plenty of good movies, so ID4 can’t be all bad.

My brother and I have a debate: is it possible to make a good x-men movie? I say no, but he thinks it should be possible with the right approach. But we both agree that it hasn’t happened yet.

Biopics that are written by the subject of the film (is autobiopic a word) always crack me up. “Straight out of Compton” made Dr Dre look like some sort of fearless badass with a heart of gold. He fictionalized so many things that are widely known to be ■■■■■■■■ to create a better version of himself that I couldn’t take the rest of the movie seriously. He added stuff that clearly never happened, yet left out the time when he was shot by a kid that he was trying to punk, and the other time when he beat the piss out of a female hip-hop reporter while his security guard held the crowd back with a gun. Pile of rubbish that movie.

I enjoyed Wolverine, but it’s a pretty big departure from your typical superhero movie.

Pluto Nash was god awful.

That said Eddie Murphy has made a lot of steaming piles of trash.

It felt like a regular superhero movie to me. It did have the advantage of featuring the only x-man who has proven to be interesting on screen. Still, I’ll judge superher movies based on how fun they are, how re-watchable, and how memorable the action scenes are. Wolverine doesn’t really pass any of those tests.

What made it seem like a departure for you?

I thought “Days of Future Past” or whatever its name was was pretty good. Apocalypse was terrible.

Suicide Squad was one of the absolute worst movies I’ve ever seen. So, so terrible.

I watched The Little Hours a while back. It was billed as a raunchy comedy and had Aubrey Plaza, Alison Brie, Dave Franco, Fred Armisen, Nick Offerman, and John C. Reilly…all of whom I like. It was maybe the least funny “comedy” I’ve ever seen. I didn’t even chuckle once.

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