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    Flyer
    Profile | Posts | Pics | Friends

    My Posts

    For all users. This page is automatically generated and contains the most recent and best work on the message board.

    Post Statistics:

    * Note: Current rankings are based on activity in the last calendar year.

    Recent Topics:

    Warning: Please move on if you are offended by lame humor.

    by Flyer
    2019-03-21 14:19:52

    Better Half, they say??????


    >> View Responses

     

    For those who pan my humor do us both a favor and skip over this post.

    by Flyer
    2019-03-15 06:44:45

    >> View Responses

     

    I will boldly make my prediction for tonight.

    by Flyer
    2019-03-14 14:58:25

    I will be bleary eyed tomorrow due to the idiotic schedule of the tournament games.

    >> View Responses

     

    Public Service Announcement

    by Flyer
    2019-03-07 12:43:15

    Broncos should target Weddle

    Article

    >> View Responses

     

    With apologies to the sensitive folks. The graphic can't be edited (at least by me)

    by Flyer
    2019-03-07 07:00:21

    >> View Responses

     

    Chicken or egg question

    by Flyer
    2019-02-21 11:18:46

    Who do you lay most of the responsibility to in last night'S game, Washington's defense or Utah's offense?

    >> View Responses

     

    One dimensional teams are always vulnerable.

    by Flyer
    2019-02-21 06:19:40

    Without any hint of an inside game this edition of the Utes is doomed.

    Washington, once again, proved all that needs to be done to defeat the Utes is defend the arc. If any future opponent down't take a hint for this game they are simply stupid.

    >> View Responses

     

    Fence for sale (some assembly required) - for those adverse toward long jokes

    by Flyer
    2019-02-14 14:18:26

    >> View Responses

     

    Happy Valentines Day keep smiling

    by Flyer
    2019-02-13 15:58:38

    An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

    This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.

    Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

    No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

    Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

    The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared

    >> View Responses

     

    Them words are cheap....

    by Flyer
    2019-02-05 11:27:18

    A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

    He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

    The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2019 Mercedes-Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes."

    "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

    The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-shittin' me!"
    The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it .

    >> View Responses

     

    Not all races are won by the swift.

    by Flyer
    2019-02-05 08:44:22

    >> View Responses

     

    I know you've been wondering but sometimes it helps to know why.

    by Flyer
    2019-02-05 07:26:37

    >> View Responses

     

    Smart kids

    by Flyer
    2019-01-30 07:39:18

    A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students.

    The teacher asked, 'Harry, what exactly is your problem?'

    Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

    Ms.Brooks finally had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he happily agreed to take the test.

    Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
    Harry: '9..'

    Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
    Harry: '36.'

    And so it went with every question to which the principal thought a bright 3rd grader ought to know the answer.

    Running out of questions to ask, the principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'Y'know I reckon Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

    But Ms. Brooks is still skeptical of the little trouble maker and says to the principal, 'Not so fast, let me ask him a few questions..'

    The principal and Harry both agree.

    Ms Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

    Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.....'

    Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

    The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! To the Principal's great relief Harry replied: 'Pockets!'

    Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
    Harry: 'Pants.'

    By now, the principal is sitting forward with his mouth hanging open..

    Ms.. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

    Now the principal's eyes open really wide and before he could intervene,

    Harry replied,'Bubble gum.'

    Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
    Harry: 'Shake hands.'

    The principal is now trembling with apprehension as Ms. Brooks asks the last question..

    Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' and indicates a great deal of heat and excitement?'

    Harry: 'Firetruck.'

    The principal breaths a huge sigh of relief and tells the teacher,

    " Put the little bastard in 5th-Grade, I got the last six questions wrong myself..."


    And you should be ashamed of your dirty mind!

    >> View Responses

     

    Ok, so you didn't ask but I posted it anyway. Hope it helps just one person somewhere in the universe.

    by Flyer
    2019-01-29 16:19:17

    >> View Responses

     

    Be careful this winter, very very careful!!!!!!!!!

    by Flyer
    2019-01-23 13:06:05

    >> View Responses

     

    Didn't like the last one so much?

    by Flyer
    2019-01-22 12:27:36

    <An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.
    He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

    The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

    The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

    The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

    The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

    Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant."

    The soldier didn"t say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

    The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

    An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your automobiles on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."/blockquote>

    >> View Responses

     

    Please excuse the intrusion into the continual political circle jerk.

    by Flyer
    2019-01-22 10:58:09

    >> View Responses

     

    This board needs help. Anybody got any ideas?

    by Flyer
    2019-01-19 10:09:47

    >> View Responses

     

    Public Service Announcement

    by Flyer
    2018-10-31 16:00:50

    >> View Responses

     

    Happy Halloweeeie and happy, happy basketball eve! Go Utes!

    by Flyer
    2018-10-31 06:57:14

    >> View Responses

     

    A touch of humor to lift your Monday.

    by Flyer
    2018-10-22 06:55:06

    >> View Responses

     

    I couldn't say it better:

    by Flyer
    2018-10-06 23:33:08

    >> View Responses

     

    Let's make a deal??????

    by Flyer
    2018-08-15 07:53:46

    Adam saw that the animals in the Garden of Eden had a companion, and he asked God to make one for Adam, too.

    "Ok," God replied, "I can make you a perfect partner. Someone who will stand by you, satisfy you as you satisfy her, build you up as you build up her, and provide the exact compliment to you. But I will need to take one of your eyes, one of your hands, one of your ears, and one of your testicles."

    Adam thought about it for a while. Then he asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

    >> View Responses

     

    A little help for my dear friends. Some great advice!

    by Flyer
    2018-08-14 12:59:19

    >> View Responses

     

    A bit of humor that hits both political sides.

    by Flyer
    2018-08-07 08:20:33

    Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

    "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

    Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

    The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.

    "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

    The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

    "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

    The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

    Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

    The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

    >> View Responses

     

    Sometimes life is plain funny.

    by Flyer
    2018-07-31 09:41:38

    01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*:

    Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

    02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*:

    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*:

    When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.

    04. *CANNON'S KARMIC LAW*:

    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

    05 *O'BRIEN'S VARIATION LAW*:

    If you change lines, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

    06. *BELL'S THEOREM*:

    When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    07. *RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS*:

    The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    08. *WILLOUGHBY'S LAW*:

    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    09. *ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS*:

    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    10. *BREDA'S RULE*:

    At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.

    11. *OWEN'S LAW*:

    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    >> View Responses

     

    And I appreciate Utefans for doing their part.

    by Flyer
    2018-07-03 09:32:46

    >> View Responses

     

    Sorry for the disruption to your political pity sessions.

    by Flyer
    2018-06-20 07:59:42

    The teacher asks the children what their dad's are doing for a job. All very exited shouted all different professions;

    "Police Office, Fireman, banker, accountant, ..." ... only Harry remained quiet.

    So, the teach asks "Harry, job does your Dad do?"

    "Oh, he's dancing naked at a gay club and sometimes man pay him more money and they go to a motel together".

    "Is that true, Harry ?" The teacher asks shocked.

    "No, he's a professor at BYU but that would have been too embarrassing.

    >> View Responses

     

    Well dog gone it anyway!

    by Flyer
    2018-04-26 06:30:28

    A man was leaving a cafe, when he noticed an unusual funeral...

    A funeral coffin was followed by a second one.

    Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with the black dog.

    Behind him was queue of 200 men walking in straight line

    The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

    He approached the man walking with the dog

    sorry to disturb you...

    but i ve never seen a funeral like this with so many walking in a straight line.

    Who’s funeral is it ?????

    He replied ,the first coffin is of my WIFE.

    What happned to her????

    My dog attacked and killed her.

    The second coffin????

    Its my MOTHER IN LAW?,she was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her too.

    A silent moment passed and then he asked can I borrow the dog????

    And he replied.

    Get in the line.

    >> View Responses

     

    Some deep thoughts for Wednesday

    by Flyer
    2018-04-25 13:11:29

    Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.

    If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

    If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

    If you work too hard, there's never any time for her.

    If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

    If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.

    If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

    If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.

    If you mention how nice she looks, its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.

    If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.

    If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

    If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

    If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

    If SHE asks you, it's a favor.

    If you appreciate the female form and sexy underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay.

    If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.

    If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.

    If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

    If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.

    If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

    If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.

    Why do men die first?
    Because they simply want to!!..

    >> View Responses

     





    Top 10 Most Recently Posted Messages:

    Which of the media outlets are you referring to?
    (0 days ago, 0 stars)

    It is another great day. The truth is an ugly thing to those who make crap up to pretend that they have the moral right to take down an elected president
    (0 days ago, 1 stars)

    A picture out of the past to help you pathetic Trump monster people
    (0 days ago, 0 stars)

    Looks to me that he really answered your question.
    (0 days ago, 0 stars)

    And one we can all relate to!
    (3 days ago, 3 stars)

    Warning: Please move on if you are offended by lame humor.
    (3 days ago, 6 stars)

    AS one who lives in Colorado I have had Howdy Doody around enough to know he is incompetent to lead anything but a bar.
    (3 days ago, 0 stars)

    For those who pan my humor do us both a favor and skip over this post.
    (9 days ago, 6 stars)

    Washington also knew the code to beat the Utes, Take away the arc and they are done, done, done. Until the Utes develop an inside game they are easy to defend with any decent athlete.
    (9 days ago, 1 stars)

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    oh, and hell yes I let the kid in.
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    (10 days ago, 1 stars)

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    (10 days ago, 3 stars)

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    (17 days ago, 0 stars)

    Public Service Announcement
    (17 days ago, 0 stars)

    Unfun indeed. I think I will stop trying to give people a chuckle or two. Not worth the grief.
    (17 days ago, 0 stars)

    Why not just ignore me and my posts. It will frustrate you less.
    (17 days ago, 2 stars)

    And yet, you have posted how many?
    (17 days ago, 0 stars)

    With apologies to the sensitive folks. The graphic can't be edited (at least by me)
    (17 days ago, 2 stars)

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    (24 days ago, 0 stars)

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    (24 days ago, 0 stars)

    uh, is one million and two too much?
    (24 days ago, 0 stars)

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    (24 days ago, 0 stars)

    Tulsi and MSNBC are full of ________!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    (24 days ago, 0 stars)

    Chicken or egg question
    (31 days ago, 0 stars)

    or offense.
    (31 days ago, 0 stars)

    Absolutely agree that he would have been a factor. My concern is a bit deeper. I don't see a urgency to develop a underneath presence with the team.
    (31 days ago, 0 stars)

    One dimensional teams are always vulnerable.
    (31 days ago, 1 stars)

    I hereby submit my resume
    (32 days ago, 1 stars)

    Fence for sale (some assembly required) - for those adverse toward long jokes
    (38 days ago, 2 stars)

    Happy Valentines Day keep smiling
    (39 days ago, 5 stars)

    But....is there enough room for your head?
    (46 days ago, 0 stars)

    The only thing that is racist is your reading and interpretation, sir. There is nothing in the story that refers to a race. As a matter of fact it could apply to most.
    (46 days ago, 2 stars)

    I pity you if that disturbs you!
    (47 days ago, 2 stars)

    Crappy joke, yes. Political, no way by any stretch!
    (47 days ago, 1 stars)

    That is funny, how?
    (47 days ago, 0 stars)

    I would greatly appreciate your kindness in keeping the political crap out of the humor posts.
    (47 days ago, 1 stars)

    Them words are cheap....
    (47 days ago, 5 stars)

    Not all races are won by the swift.
    (47 days ago, 2 stars)

    I know you've been wondering but sometimes it helps to know why.
    (47 days ago, 5 stars)

    It's a heavy cross to carry.
    (53 days ago, 0 stars)

    I've never had one of those "mutual" feelings. Does it hurt?
    (53 days ago, 0 stars)

    I don't care
    (53 days ago, 1 stars)

    Smart kids
    (53 days ago, 6 stars)

    No, I didn't come up with that but I kinda like to tune. Maybe I'll give it an effort?
    (53 days ago, 0 stars)

    Ok, so you didn't ask but I posted it anyway. Hope it helps just one person somewhere in the universe.
    (54 days ago, 5 stars)

    Be careful this winter, very very careful!!!!!!!!!
    (60 days ago, 2 stars)

    Didn't like the last one so much?
    (61 days ago, 11 stars)

    Please excuse the intrusion into the continual political circle jerk.
    (61 days ago, 7 stars)

    hip hip hooray
    (63 days ago, 0 stars)

    I guessed as much, I jest. We can call each other names and deride politicians all day but don't dare use a swear word, it have cause horrific problems
    (63 days ago, 0 stars)

    And besides, I thought I clearly spelled the word out but when it showed up it was changed how can I trust what I say will show up as I said it?
    (63 days ago, 0 stars)

    Because I know Ain't $#!+ and his brother Jack, that is why.
    (63 days ago, 0 stars)

    In fairness, maybe others like me just don't frequent the board enough to see the rare non-political post so we didn't see it. Before all of you gripe about my thought, I know very well that I can avoid the political category but that is not the
    (63 days ago, 0 stars)

    No sweat pal
    (64 days ago, 0 stars)

    A bit testy today?
    (64 days ago, 0 stars)

    That would be a tad difficult since she is not alive anymore. Nice try though.
    (64 days ago, 0 stars)

    to each his own....
    (64 days ago, 0 stars)

    This board needs help. Anybody got any ideas?
    (64 days ago, 2 stars)

    Can I club it to death or just hit it hard?
    (64 days ago, 1 stars)

    Yikes!!!!! Trickle down? Hold on to ancient things much?
    (74 days ago, 0 stars)

    and that Santa Clause is real?
    (75 days ago, 1 stars)

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    (137 days ago, 0 stars)

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    (137 days ago, 0 stars)

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    Public Service Announcement
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    (144 days ago, 1 stars)

    Viva UteFans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    (144 days ago, 0 stars)

    Wait? Are you telling me there isn't a basketball game tomorrow?
    (144 days ago, 1 stars)

    but be vewy, veey careful
    (144 days ago, 3 stars)

    Happy Halloweeeie and happy, happy basketball eve! Go Utes!
    (144 days ago, 5 stars)

    Seems a better way?
    (151 days ago, 0 stars)

    So if the bombers were anything but stupid maybe, just maybe, they might have found a way to place one that hadn't been found easily?
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    (151 days ago, 0 stars)

    Did any single one explode?
    (151 days ago, 0 stars)

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    (151 days ago, 0 stars)

    The timing is suspicious if nothing else?
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    A touch of humor to lift your Monday.
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    I couldn't say it better:
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    nuthin
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    As posted on Facebook today: (Still waiting the Denver branch) (35 stars)
    2010-09-15 11:26:41

    In a crazy, mixed up world it is good to know some things just never change. (33 stars)
    2013-01-21 15:23:41

    Gotta love those Utes! (33 stars)
    2012-10-10 13:13:59

    A Picture says it all! (33 stars)
    2011-11-11 11:58:18

    The photo didn't cover the whole picture (32 stars)
    2014-10-09 08:13:36

    Admit it! (30 stars)
    2011-12-07 11:55:56

    Top 10 Most Viewed Messages:

    Here is one for all parents of teenagers! (4436)
    2015-04-22 12:44:08

    Just in time for Summer! (3310)
    2015-04-13 14:07:04

    USC sucks! (2448)
    2011-09-07 10:28:13

    Merry Christmas to All! (2291)
    2011-12-12 07:25:35

    I hear some help is on its way later this month if we can hang on. (2125)
    2011-12-12 14:37:14

    For a quicker trip to El Paso or to Grandma's house for Christmas. (2106)
    2011-12-16 10:47:26

    New opition for those of you kind souls who like to pick humor to death. (2017)
    2011-12-16 12:11:45

    Can't recommend that, my friend. (1942)
    2011-12-13 10:47:58

    One other thing, my friend. You might need to find another place to park your fancy ride (1933)
    2011-12-12 08:26:49

    and there you have it, a non-mortal wound is a bit different than a mortal wound. (1566)
    2012-03-22 11:56:11

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