Mr. Crimson's post below, and LV Coug's response (among others) reminded me of a conversation my best friend and I have had often about the "Demented BYU and Utah Fan." These are people who are so blinded by rivalry, jealousy, insecurity, or whatever that they simply can't see straight. Hence the name "Demented." My friend's a Cougar, I'm a Ute, and we both find some behaviors pretty funny on both sides (and, sadly, all too typical).
Here are some exemplary symptoms of Ute and Cougar dementia:
A DEMENTED COUGAR FAN (Zoobius Veridicas), for example:
1. Would never let anyone he cared about attend the U. Especially his kids. It's just too dangerous to their faith.2. Thinks that any LDS person who could attend BYU, but chooses to attend Utah, is probably a little weak in the faith.
3. Believes that LaVell Edwards and whoever is the BYU basketball coach would be a general authority if they weren't busier doing more important work for the Church.
4. Really believes that BYU has always been the premiere basketball program in the Mountain West area, except for the recent little rough patch that was all Roger Reid's fault, and that as soon as Cleveland restores the program, all good LDS recruits will attend BYU and that will be the end of the Ute program for a long time.
5. Thinks anyone who has the slightest doubt about the validity of BYU's 1984 football national championship is either crazy, misinformed, a Mormon-hater, or an East coast elitist. Also thinks that no reasonable person could question the 1984 NC.
6. Thinks he/she can't attend a Utah-BYU game at RES without endangering his or her life or safety.
7. Really does think BYU is academically on a par with Stanford or Harvard. In any event, is absolutely convinced that BYU is so academically superior to Utah that the only LDS people who go to Utah are those who can't get into BYU.
8. Thinks all Utah football victories over the Y. during the 90's were flukes and didn't really count because BYU was clearly the better team and should have won if only the BYU coaches would have gotten the boys up for the game, and besides, the BYU game is always Utah's bowl game and so it's easier for them to get up for it than BYU and . . . . Well, you get the idea on that one.
Sorry, folks, but I know at least one adult, well-educated person who subscribes to each of the above beliefs.
9. Thinks Rick Majerus is the worst human being ever. He is a horrible, horrible man. He hates his players, even though he says nice things about them. He hates Mormons with a passion. If he ever says BYU has a good team, he is lying and he is making fun of us and all that we hold sacred because he thinks we may have a good team. He stinks. He is gross. Hates him with all the fiber of his being. Prays for his destruction so that this world may survive.
10. Thinks Steve Cleveland is the greatest thing since jello. Always knew he was the best choice for being the Head Coach. Just knew it. He is one of the great coaches today. He cares about his players unlike Majerkus up on the hill. Steve Cleveland could father his children (if he was a woman) and he would be a happy man, errr, woman, errrr, whatever it is he is. BYU rocks!
11. Who cares that Utah beat us like 17 of the last twenty-some times we've played in football and basketball! Says to that: "Sears cup!" We've got official Sears Cup standing, true, proven, unarguable superiority! In fact, we're the athletic superpower of the west, including the Pac-10!!!
THE DEMENTED UTAH FAN (Yewtius Terribilus):
1. Always loves it when BYU loses, no matter what-- even if it hurts the U's chances.2. Thinks BYU has no real nationally competitive football program; never has, never will.
3. Wears hats whenever he can with an obscene legend like "F**K BYU." Even to Utah's games against other teams.
4. Takes booze into RES and gets drunk as a skunk, just to show he can, and to antagonize BYU fans.
5. Thinks BYU sucks. BYU is awful. So what that BYU won, they still have the worst athletic program in history. I mean seriously, who would ever drink Non-alcholic, non-caffeine Apple Beer?
6. Is so sick of hearing Sears Cup this and Sears Cup that, a bigger wad of baloney has never been laid across the eyes of knowledgeable sports fans (such as his self, of course)--and NOBODY cares about the Sears Cup. Besides, the only sports that matter are football and basketball, and because Utah's beaten BYU in those a lot recently we are in fact the dominating sports presence in the West.
Yes, I know representatives of all the above
attitudes, too. I suspect we all do.
The fact is, most fans (and most of those who frequent this board) don't belong to either camp. We're just fans. Yes, we are very annoyed by demented fans (who are the loudest, sometimes, on the board), and, frankly, all of us have the seeds of dementia in us.
But we have to keep all this in perspective. Hey, let's have some fun! And all you Dementeds, get some help or, if you won't do that, just leave the rest of us alone!
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