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    Two guys were about to tee off at their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them

    by H-man
    2016-06-28 16:29:07

    "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up".
    Sure, they said, you’re welcome.
    So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer,
    "What do you do for a living?"
    I’m a hit man," was the reply.
    "You're joking!” was the response.
    "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."
    That's a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here".
    So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
    "Yeah, I can see my house all right. "This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom".
    "Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!! The bitch!"
    He turned to the hit man. “How much do you charge for a hit?"
    "I'll do a flat rate, for you: One thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
    "Can you do two for me now?"
    “Sure, what do you want?”
    "First, shoot my wife; she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's supposed to be a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
    The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
    “Are you gonna do it or not?" asked the friend impatiently.
    "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly . . . . . "I think I can save ya a grand here."

    >> Comment...

     

    crazy irony ...

    by sweetgrass
    2016-06-28 10:53:13

    - after not being awarded any host sites for the first time since the CWS expanded

    - with no top seeds in the tournament, 0 teams in the top 25

    - having #4 conference baseball RPI (only slightly better than the Conference USA)

    - left for dead by all of the national media

    The #3 Team in the PAC-12 (Arizona) who finished a single game over .500 in conference has to win 1 of the next 2 games to capture the title.

    Hope I didn't jinx them.

    >> Comment...

     

    We're ranked No. 4 in the nation in a complicated point system devised by Phil Steele that assesses the experience level of teams by awarding high points for upperclassmen who are returning starters

    by It's801derful
    2016-06-28 10:59:08

    http://espn.go.com/blog/pac12/post/_/id/1 01132/ranking-each-pac-12-roster-by-grade- level


    I had no idea we were bringing back so much experienced talent compared to other teams. Nice to know that even though we're losing our QB, running back and leading receiver, we'll still have a ton of people who've been there before and who have won a lot of games for us.

    >> Comment...

     

    Can't tell if this is TIC, but Gordo just published an article of the Zoob pastime of counting sports logos at Disneyland.

    by maximumkungfu
    2016-06-28 09:47:02

    Amazing what passes as journalism even for a column that's pretty weak.

    >> Comment...

     

    Happy 90th Birthday to the one and only Mel Brooks

    by HoopUte
    2016-06-28 19:14:40



    I laugh every time I see the audience shots in this piece. IMO it's pure genius.

    Edit: That, and I always seem to want some pretzels after this.

    >> Comment...

     

    Stating the obvious: In the bottom two categories(tackles and yardage), we rank so poorly due mostly to losing Booker, Covey, Scott and Wilson on offense and Paul, Norris, Whittingham, and Carter on defense.

    by UteThunder
    2016-06-28 13:53:59

    I'm confident we can replicate, if not improve upon, the lost production of Wilson, Scott, and Covey. Booker's yardage will be more difficult to replace, but Williams seems capable.

    Wilson - 2095 passing yards, 490 rushing yards
    Booker - 1261 rushing yards, 318 receiving yards
    Covey - 519 receiving yards
    Scott - 457 receiving yards

    Defensively, we just need to have average LB play and I think we will be fine there because the DL and DBs should be able to cover for some deficiencies in the middle. Hansen should have no problem replacing Carter.

    Paul - 117 tackles
    Norris - 87 tackles
    Carter - 56 tackles
    Whittingham - 26 tackles

    >> Comment...

     

    Singing? It stemmed from fear, too. "A lion is eating my foot off! A lion is eating my foot off!"

    by HoopUte
    2016-06-28 19:32:02

    Those 2000 year old man LPs were fantastic.

    Interviewer: what's man's greatest accomplishment?
    2000YOM: Saran Wrap?
    Interviewer: What about man on the moon?
    2000YOM: That was good.

    >> Comment...

     

    RE: Erilch Bachman this is your mom you are not my baby.

    by Utehawk15
    2016-06-28 06:44:21

    Go back to your room Jian Yang

    >> Comment...

     

    Pretty sure that the most important metric out of all of that is number of starts on the O-line.

    by il_slinky
    2016-06-28 14:51:03

    I can't believe that our qb play will be any worse, and I actually expect that it will be much improved. I have no worries about our being able to run the ball particularly with the o-line.

    I think that the defense will be just fine particularly if david luafatasaga is anywhere close to what has been said about him.

    >> Comment...

     

    USA Today lists the top player in the nation at each position. 3 Pac-12 players listed including Utah K Andy Phillips.

    by UteThunder
    2016-06-28 09:31:11

    USA Today Best Player Each Position

    Number of players from each conference:

    B1G - 4
    Pac12 - 3
    SEC - 3
    ACC - 2
    BigXII - 1
    Independent - 1
    Sun Belt - 1

    >> Comment...

     

    Great Coach! RIP

    by Basketball Junkie
    2016-06-28 09:00:11

    Man she went downhill fast. Dementia is a bitch! (not meant as a insensitive word, for you PC crowd),

    >> Comment...

     

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