HOOPS: BREAKING NEWS : Jared Jensen declares for NBA draft. Cleveland responds...
Posted By: Wannabeaute
<jon@classicstar.com>
Date: Friday, 25 January 2002, at 10:49 a.m.
PROVO (UPI) In a stunning announcement today, 18 year old freshman center Jared Jensen revealed that he will forego the remaining 3 years of eligibility he has at BYU and will declare himself eligible for the NBA draft.
“I feel I have gone as far as I can go in this program” said the 2000 Mr. Basketball award winner. “I really didn’t think I would be carrying this team the way I am as a freshman.”
Jensen added that the example of Shawn Bradley also helped in his decision.“Shawn only played one season here too” Jensen pointed out. “And he signed for millions. Fact is, I’m better than he is right now. I mean that dude sucks. I guess what I’m saying is that nobody ever seems to get any better at BYU. Its looks like I’m as good right now as I ever will be, so why not just jump to the NBA now?”
BYU head coach Steve Cleveland read a terse prepared statement from the steps of the Marriott Center. “We wish Jared and his family all the best. When one of our young men leaves the program, we know it is a choice he has made with great care.”
His eye twitching noticeably, Cleveland then appeared to deviate from his prepared statement. “You know, that’s bullshit when he says nobody gets better here. Fact is Mikeli Wesley was scoring 2.1 points more per game as a senior last year than as a freshman. And he’s playing professionally in Poland now. Poland! What young man wouldn’t want that kind of an opportunity, to play on Wednesday nights and get paid in kopeks?”
Pausing, Cleveland appeared to regain his composure, although the twitching had noticeably accelerated. “How about Matt Montague? When he came here he couldn’t shoot at all. Now that he’s a senior he’s, well he’s, he’s handing out a lot of assists. And look at Mark Bigelow. Before his mission he was MWC Freshman of the Year. Now, three years later he’s, well he’s, well he’s led our team in attempts a couple of times this year.”
At this point Cleveland abruptly ended his statement. He was last seen twitching at an enormous rate of speed while muttering to himself “By golly, didn’t ANY of my young men get better here at BYU?.”
HOOPS: Alright, let's get it on...
Posted By: OhioBlue
<jensen.80@osu.edu>
Date: Wednesday, 23 January 2002, at 8:00 a.m.
It's Wednesday, I'm in a good mood, the week preceding the rivalry game has officially begun. Time to do the annual exchange....I see the word 'twitch' has already been used so that must mean either of two things: It's about time for the BYU-Utah game, or...Blood Simplex has found his new material.
At any rate, let me kick it off on behalf of Cougars everywhere. Here are my preliminary thoughts, analysis, and position-by-position breakdown of the game:
Uh oh.
So, there you have it. As for the defensive side of the ball, and the three-point percentage that BYU is giving up, and that Utah is shooting, my detailed analysis is as follows:
Mommy, make it stop.
Aaaannnnnnd, before I get ahead of myself (sorry for the length I'm just rambling I know) the one key component that I think will directly impact the outcome of this game, coupled with an equation I have recently developed a la Roy Kramer to account for average age of team members, girth of head coach, color of skin as it is inversely related to athleticism, plus let's not forget to include the direct effect of losing a football program, and throwing in assists-to-turnovers-to-large flags ratio divided by the quantity of "FU Byu chants" and "He can't stop me ('cause he's on the bench)" insults, I come to the infallible conclusion that the final score of this game will be:
Utah: 34
BYU: 31Wait a second, that can't be right......let me do some tinkering, I'll be back in a while...
Thoughts??
MISC: A few thoughts on Cougars
Posted By: Senioritis
<dan.sds@aros.net>
Date: Wednesday, 23 January 2002, at 11:47 a.m.
While visiting Hogle Zoo recently, I learned that one of the common names of the cougar is "Pampas Cat." Unable to control my unquenchable obsession with all things zoobie, I spent hours upon hours pondering on this newfound pearl of wisdom. (Actually, I was just trying to figure out ways to tease my BYU graduate wife.) After serious contemplation, I have decided that the Cougars of BYU should commonly be known as the Pampas Cats for two reasons.
1. Pampas sounds an awful lot like pompous - draw your own conclusions.
2. Pampas also sounds a bit like Pampers - the very brand of diapers I often feel like slamming on some of the whiny, crybaby Pampas Cat fans.
With my inferior U of U education, that's about all I could come up with regarding the name Pampas Cat. If this doesn't work for you, perhaps Swamp Cat would. Or just stick with zoobie.
One more tidbit from Hogle Zoo - Pampas Cats commonly mark their territory with the strong odor from their urine and feces. Evidently, some zoobies feel that this board is their territory, and their posts are evidence of their "odor".
Go Utes! Pound the Pampas Cats!
HOOPS: The more I think about it, the more I like the Utes against BYU (more)
Posted By: Senioritis
<dan.sds@aros.net>
Date: Wednesday, 23 January 2002, at 5:04 p.m.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm surrounded by BYU fans at work and in my family, but every time the Utes play the Pampas Cats I get a little more nervous than usual. However, the nagging doubts have less and less force the more I think about the Big Monday game.
Some of my thoughts:
Majerus has a week to prepare his team for the blue ballers (can I say that?). While I'm not one that believes the sun rises and sets in the big guy (although it may), I just think you give him a week (especially later in the year) and he'll find ways to exploit the other team's weakness and magnify his team's strengths - mostly on the defensive end.
The team defense has continually improved this season. I mean, they held St. Mary's to 35 points. What more needs to be said? Actually, while BYU has good wings and a good offensive post man, the Ute team D will be more than enough to contain them. One on one? The Cougs may have some advantages. 5 on 5? I just don't see it.
Jared Jensen. A heck of a lot better than I thought he'd be. Big body, good scorer. However, the key to beating BYU has nothing to do with stopping big Ben Gamgee. The key is the wings. BYU has yet to prove that they can win with Jensen as the leading scorer. Let him have what he wants - stop the Gigolo and Eminem. Additionally, Allred or Koford should be able to contain him defensively, like the big kid (Lima?) at Air Force. He'll abuse Phil Cullen on the low block, but can you imagine Jensen trying to guard Phil out on the floor?
Spivey vs Montague - A wash. Montague runs the team well, doesn't commit many turnovers, shoots like a wrestler, and dribbles like the geek on my deacon's team. Spivey runs the team well, commits turnovers, shoots like a wrestler, and plays solid defense (my wife also thinks he looks like somebody on the Land Before Time). All things considered, this is a pick 'em.
Stop the Gigolo and Eminem. I think Hansen has the potential to assume Mikeli Wesley's place in the hearts of the student section and the referees. Stop these two, Utes win.
The last two games, BYU has played the way Ute fans expected them to. The last two games, Utah has played the way Ute fans expected them to. I think it continues on Monday.
If BYU plays well, they could be the best defensive team Utah has faced. Utah will certainly be the best defensive team BYU has faced.
Utah has won 14 of the last 16 from the Cats. The last time they won at the HC, Jimmy Balderson wasn't baptized yet. Somehow, I feel good just saying that. Go Utes!
HOOPS: Who will assume the Nate Cooper role for the Zoobies this year?
Posted By: Wannabeaute
<jon@classicstar.com>
(207.88.207.27)
Date: Friday, 25 January 2002, at 2:59 p.m.
You know what I mean. Which bratty, holier-than-thou Cougie with perfect hair will seperate himself from the vanilla crowd and incite the Ute faithful into vulgar chants and beer-sprinkling episodes?
Heres my breakdown:Easy E (Eric Nielson). Kind of a Ute-killer, but just too milktoast to really despise. Truth is I kind of feel sorry for him. I'll stop that now.
Jared Jensen. Maybe later, just too early for him. But then Wesley sure made an impression as a frosh, so maybe it could be Jensen. He's still got 3 1/2 years to utter some Gomes-like remark and go to the head of the hated Cougar class.
Bobick. Now he has some real potential. To be despised I mean. Kind of a cocky and arrogant demeanor and just enough of Cooper's shooting touch to get under your skin. I'm calling him a sleeper. Seems like he has some real potential as a whiner too, and that is important in this contest.
Montague. Not a chance. In fact I like the kid. Especially when he shoots.:)
Travis Hansen: Clearly the leader in my book. First he's pesky. I hate pesky in a Cougar. Then there is his look. Have you ever seen a whiter white boy? Looks like Sting's love child who was kept in a cave until his 20th birthday. The NM crowd booed him every time he touched the ball last week. I still don't know why but hey, can 18,000 Americans be wrong?
Mark Bigelow: Someone else tagged him Ally McBigelow and I love it. Trouble is, other than the fact that he is a Cougar (and thats enough, don't get me wrong) the kid just hasn't done anything Reid-like yet. 'Course if he lays a hand on Caton all bets are off. But then, if he lays a hand on Caton he may draw back a stump.
If all else fails, there is always Nate Call on the bench. I've loathed him for ages and he represents everything that is sick and wrong about BYU basketball.
Geez, I can't wait for that Ainge kid to suit up in a year or two. He'll be a natural on this list.
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