Doug Robinson's Article if Gordon Monson Had Written It

Posted By: lil utes <lilutes@hotmail.com>
Date: Thursday, 30 December 1999, at 12:00 p.m.

Original article as it appeared in the Deseret News. Spoof posted on the Runnin' Utes Message Board.

Cougs have missed the bus
By Doug Robinson
Deseret News sports columnist
Utes have missed the bus
By Lil Utes
Runnin' Utes Message Board regular

Cheer up, Cougar fans, BYU's official Web site reports that Monday's Motor City Bowl wasn't all bad. "For the opening quarter, No. 25 BYU had a shutout over 11th-ranked Marshall University," it begins, "but the Herd found a way to win the Motor City Bowl 21-3." Cheer up, Cougar fans, At least you don't have Rick Majerus as your coach. I still can't believe that he took away my courtside view and makes me sit way up here in the "press area". Anyway, back to BYU, their official Web site reports that Monday's Motor City Bowl wasn't all bad. "For the opening quarter, No. 25 BYU had a shutout over 11th-ranked Marshall University," it begins, "but the Herd found a way to win the Motor City Bowl 21-3."

Great. And other than the second, third and fourth quarters, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play? Great. And other than the second, third and fourth quarters, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you enjoy the parade?

It can't be easy writing PR for BYU football these days. Putting a positive spin on that game, or, for that matter, the last month of the season, is like preparing a news release for the cavalry after Custer's Last Stand. For the first two minutes, the 7th Cavalry had a shutout over the top-ranked Sioux, but then the Sioux returned fire . . . It can't be easy writing PR for U of U Basketball these days. Putting a positive spin on that coach, or, for that matter, the last 10 years, is like preparing a news release for the army after the Battle of Gettysburg. For the first three-quarters of a mile, Pickett's troops did well, then they got beyond their own canons and into the open field ….. Now what was I talking about? Oh Yeah, BYU Football…..

Has BYU ever played a worse game in 25 years? Detroit hadn't seen anything this ugly since the Ford Pinto. Things couldn't have been worse. Yes, they could have. Marshall had two touchdowns called back and missed a couple of chip-shot field goals or the score would have been 41-3. Has BYU ever played a worse opponent in 25 years? Detroit hadn't seen a match up that bad since…well…..ever. I mean, how do the Cougars, lose to Marshall. Things could have been worse, Marshall could have had to play in Cougar Stadium. Yes, they could have. Marshall would have had all touchdowns called back and missed all of their chip-shot field goals and the score would have been 3-0. That is because Marshall would not have been allowed to bring their cheerleaders, flags, fans, or even their team for that matter.

Last year the Cougars got trampled by Tulane in a bowl; this year they were steamrolled by Marshall. Not exactly college football heavyweights. Remember the good old days when they lost bowl games to Ohio State and Texas A&M? Last year the Cougars played a great game against a really bad opponent, Tulane, in a bowl; this year they steamrolled Marshall. Not exactly the college football heavyweights that they thought they were, or at least not as heavy as THAT ONE COACH on "The Hill". Remember the good old days when they played bowl games against Ohio State and Texas A&M, and could hang with them?

Mercifully, the Cougars are done, and now the post-mortem can begin. Where did the Cougars go wrong? Running? Receiving? Blocking? Accepting the invitation to Detroit? Mercifully, the Cougars let the Herd win to preserve their perfect record. Where did the I go wrong, Coach Majerus? Calling too much? Writing? Whining? Coach, why won't you return my phone calls? Why can't I get an interview with your players, or with you for that matter? Oh Yeah, I was praising the BYU Motor City Bowl win…errrrrrrr……game. I have my sources that say BYU had been offered the invitation to Detroit before the year even began? Yes, the cougars are really that good.

It's going to be a long, worrisome off-season in which the Cougars will try to figure out what happened. While they're at it, they can look beyond this season to the decade they just put behind them. It's Big-Picture Time. Do you get the feeling that the Cougars missed the bus somewhere along the way? It's going to be a long, worrisome off-season in which the Utes will try to figure out what happened to their ornery coach. While they're at it, they can look beyond this season to the decade they just put behind them. It's Big-Picture Time. Do you get the feeling that the Utes missed the bus somewhere along the way? I mean where do they get off beating "The Lord's University". I think that it is a conspiracy…. Oh Yeah, I was talking about the way BYU didn't have to show up to the Motor City Bowl to get a W.

The Cougars were one of the promising new kids on the block in the late '70s and mid-80s. They were the rage. They not only won, they did it with the pass, a novel approach at the time. They were upstarts breaking into college football's inner circle, regularly appearing in the Top 20. But those days passed by, and the Cougars didn't live up to their promise. They failed to build on their success. Not only did they not improve or maintain the status quo, they slipped. They're still a good, solid team most of the time, but they're nothing special. The Cougars were one of the promising new kids on the block in the late '70s and mid-80s, and then Coach Majerus came along. That wicked and Evil man! He then went on a rampage against the press and banished them to the "press area" in the Huntsman center. Oh Yeah, back to the "Y"….. They not only won, they did it with the pass, a novel approach at the time. They were upstarts breaking into college football's inner circle, regularly appearing in the Top 20 and they deserved it, unlike that Utah Basketball team and their grumpy coach. The Cougars still have national respect and always will. They will continue to build on their success. Not only did they improve, they gained more positive recognition. They're still a good, solid team, and very special "sweet" spirits.

During the '80s, they were 102-27; in the '90s they were 86-39-1 (including an aberration 14-1 season). During a 10-year span from 1976 to 1985 they finished in the Top 20 eight times. In the 14 years since then, they have finished in the Top 20 four times (and two of them were gifts from the now-defunct UPI poll, which disagreed with the other polls, which didn't rank the Cougars in the Top 20). In the '80s, BYU won five bowl games; in the '90s, two. During the '80s, they were 102-27; in the '90s they were 86-39-1 (including an awesome 14-1 season). During a 10-year span from 1976 to 1985 they finished in the Top 20 every year. In the 14 years since then, they have finished in the Top 20 four times (and continue to move up in the all important Sears Cup rankings). In the '80s, BYU won five bowl games; in the '90s, they dominated the competition. Originally snubbed by the BCS, they are now being considered one of the next teams to have "special" rules made just for them.

The Cougars won a national championship in 1984. They had a Heisman Trophy winner in 1990 and Outland Trophy winners in 1986 and 1989. They won the Cotton Bowl and finished fifth in the national polls in 1996. Along the way, they had big-name stars in Jim McMahon, Steve Young, Marc Wilson and Ty Detmer to name a few. But the Cougars couldn't capitalize on any of the above to maintain their status as a Top 20 regular. The Cougars won an undisputed and unquestionable national championship just a couple of years ago. They have a Heisman Trophy candidate and Outland Trophy winners every year. They won the Cotton Bowl and finished fifth in the national polls in 1996. Along the way, they had big-name stars in Jim McMahon, Steve Young, Marc Wilson and Ty Detmer to name a few. But the Cougars could capitalized on all of that and have my Heisman Trophy vote in Kevin Feterick and the dominating BYU O-line.

The Cougars showed the country how to win with the pass; now they're getting beat by the pass. Marshall and Tulane looked like mirror images of the old Cougars, passing teams coming out of obscurity to produce unbeaten seasons. The Cougars showed the country how to win with the pass; now they're getting beat by the pass. Marshall and Tulane are simply carbon copie dominate Cougars, passing teams coming out of obscurity to only be beaten by the "Coogs".

Maybe the problem is parity. Penn State was beatable this season. Notre Dame was mediocre. Even Nebraska lost a game. With the cut in scholarships years ago, schools can't hog all the talent and new schools are rising to the top. Stanford and Wisconsin are in the Rose Bowl. Virginia Tech is playing for a national title. Even Kansas State has a good team these days. Maybe the problem is level of BYU's competition, it is so beneath them. Penn State, whom BYU killed a few years ago, was beaten on by BYU that season. Notre Dame was no where near BYU's level when they played a couple of years ago. Even Nebraska can't keep up with them. With the cut in scholarships years ago, schools can't hog all the talent and BYU is still on top. My "sources" tell me that Stanford and Wisconsin are in the Rose Bowl only because BYU wanted the Motor City bowl. Virginia Tech is playing for a national title, because BYU wants to "share the wealth". Even Kansas State has a good team these days, but they still can't beat BYU.

But that doesn't fully explain what has happened to BYU. It could even be argued that the Cougars have never had better talent than the players they have signed during the '90s, although their record doesn't show it. But that doesn't fully explain what has happened to BYU, it was only after we had a special fast and by the grace of God that we were able to gain such National respect and dominance. It could even be argued that the Cougars have never had better talent than the players they have signed during the '90s, and their record shows it.

Now the Cougars have the next eight months to figure it all out. Not that there's any hurry to fix things. Next stop: Florida State. Now the Cougars have the next eight months to figure out how to not dominate too much and find opponents that are worthy to play us…errrrr…them. Not that there's anything to fix. Next stop: Why coach Majerus won't return my 20 phone calls a day….

Original article as it appeared in the Deseret News. Spoof posted on the Runnin' Utes Message Board.

Last modified .

Original article as it appeared in the Deseret News.	Spoof posted on the Runnin' Utes Message Board.
Cougs have missed the bus By Doug Robinson Deseret News sports columnist	Utes have missed the bus By Lil Utes Runnin' Utes Message Board regular
Cheer up, Cougar fans, BYU's official Web site reports that Monday's Motor City Bowl wasn't all bad. "For the opening quarter, No. 25 BYU had a shutout over 11th-ranked Marshall University," it begins, "but the Herd found a way to win the Motor City Bowl 21-3."	Cheer up, Cougar fans, At least you don't have Rick Majerus as your coach. I still can't believe that he took away my courtside view and makes me sit way up here in the "press area". Anyway, back to BYU, their official Web site reports that Monday's Motor City Bowl wasn't all bad. "For the opening quarter, No. 25 BYU had a shutout over 11th-ranked Marshall University," it begins, "but the Herd found a way to win the Motor City Bowl 21-3."
Great. And other than the second, third and fourth quarters, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?	Great. And other than the second, third and fourth quarters, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you enjoy the parade?
It can't be easy writing PR for BYU football these days. Putting a positive spin on that game, or, for that matter, the last month of the season, is like preparing a news release for the cavalry after Custer's Last Stand. For the first two minutes, the 7th Cavalry had a shutout over the top-ranked Sioux, but then the Sioux returned fire . . .	It can't be easy writing PR for U of U Basketball these days. Putting a positive spin on that coach, or, for that matter, the last 10 years, is like preparing a news release for the army after the Battle of Gettysburg. For the first three-quarters of a mile, Pickett's troops did well, then they got beyond their own canons and into the open field ….. Now what was I talking about? Oh Yeah, BYU Football…..
Has BYU ever played a worse game in 25 years? Detroit hadn't seen anything this ugly since the Ford Pinto. Things couldn't have been worse. Yes, they could have. Marshall had two touchdowns called back and missed a couple of chip-shot field goals or the score would have been 41-3.	Has BYU ever played a worse opponent in 25 years? Detroit hadn't seen a match up that bad since…well…..ever. I mean, how do the Cougars, lose to Marshall. Things could have been worse, Marshall could have had to play in Cougar Stadium. Yes, they could have. Marshall would have had all touchdowns called back and missed all of their chip-shot field goals and the score would have been 3-0. That is because Marshall would not have been allowed to bring their cheerleaders, flags, fans, or even their team for that matter.
Last year the Cougars got trampled by Tulane in a bowl; this year they were steamrolled by Marshall. Not exactly college football heavyweights. Remember the good old days when they lost bowl games to Ohio State and Texas A&M?	Last year the Cougars played a great game against a really bad opponent, Tulane, in a bowl; this year they steamrolled Marshall. Not exactly the college football heavyweights that they thought they were, or at least not as heavy as THAT ONE COACH on "The Hill". Remember the good old days when they played bowl games against Ohio State and Texas A&M, and could hang with them?
Mercifully, the Cougars are done, and now the post-mortem can begin. Where did the Cougars go wrong? Running? Receiving? Blocking? Accepting the invitation to Detroit?	Mercifully, the Cougars let the Herd win to preserve their perfect record. Where did the I go wrong, Coach Majerus? Calling too much? Writing? Whining? Coach, why won't you return my phone calls? Why can't I get an interview with your players, or with you for that matter? Oh Yeah, I was praising the BYU Motor City Bowl win…errrrrrrr……game. I have my sources that say BYU had been offered the invitation to Detroit before the year even began? Yes, the cougars are really that good.
It's going to be a long, worrisome off-season in which the Cougars will try to figure out what happened. While they're at it, they can look beyond this season to the decade they just put behind them. It's Big-Picture Time. Do you get the feeling that the Cougars missed the bus somewhere along the way?	It's going to be a long, worrisome off-season in which the Utes will try to figure out what happened to their ornery coach. While they're at it, they can look beyond this season to the decade they just put behind them. It's Big-Picture Time. Do you get the feeling that the Utes missed the bus somewhere along the way? I mean where do they get off beating "The Lord's University". I think that it is a conspiracy…. Oh Yeah, I was talking about the way BYU didn't have to show up to the Motor City Bowl to get a W.
The Cougars were one of the promising new kids on the block in the late '70s and mid-80s. They were the rage. They not only won, they did it with the pass, a novel approach at the time. They were upstarts breaking into college football's inner circle, regularly appearing in the Top 20. But those days passed by, and the Cougars didn't live up to their promise. They failed to build on their success. Not only did they not improve or maintain the status quo, they slipped. They're still a good, solid team most of the time, but they're nothing special.	The Cougars were one of the promising new kids on the block in the late '70s and mid-80s, and then Coach Majerus came along. That wicked and Evil man! He then went on a rampage against the press and banished them to the "press area" in the Huntsman center. Oh Yeah, back to the "Y"….. They not only won, they did it with the pass, a novel approach at the time. They were upstarts breaking into college football's inner circle, regularly appearing in the Top 20 and they deserved it, unlike that Utah Basketball team and their grumpy coach. The Cougars still have national respect and always will. They will continue to build on their success. Not only did they improve, they gained more positive recognition. They're still a good, solid team, and very special "sweet" spirits.
During the '80s, they were 102-27; in the '90s they were 86-39-1 (including an aberration 14-1 season). During a 10-year span from 1976 to 1985 they finished in the Top 20 eight times. In the 14 years since then, they have finished in the Top 20 four times (and two of them were gifts from the now-defunct UPI poll, which disagreed with the other polls, which didn't rank the Cougars in the Top 20). In the '80s, BYU won five bowl games; in the '90s, two.	During the '80s, they were 102-27; in the '90s they were 86-39-1 (including an awesome 14-1 season). During a 10-year span from 1976 to 1985 they finished in the Top 20 every year. In the 14 years since then, they have finished in the Top 20 four times (and continue to move up in the all important Sears Cup rankings). In the '80s, BYU won five bowl games; in the '90s, they dominated the competition. Originally snubbed by the BCS, they are now being considered one of the next teams to have "special" rules made just for them.
The Cougars won a national championship in 1984. They had a Heisman Trophy winner in 1990 and Outland Trophy winners in 1986 and 1989. They won the Cotton Bowl and finished fifth in the national polls in 1996. Along the way, they had big-name stars in Jim McMahon, Steve Young, Marc Wilson and Ty Detmer to name a few. But the Cougars couldn't capitalize on any of the above to maintain their status as a Top 20 regular.	The Cougars won an undisputed and unquestionable national championship just a couple of years ago. They have a Heisman Trophy candidate and Outland Trophy winners every year. They won the Cotton Bowl and finished fifth in the national polls in 1996. Along the way, they had big-name stars in Jim McMahon, Steve Young, Marc Wilson and Ty Detmer to name a few. But the Cougars could capitalized on all of that and have my Heisman Trophy vote in Kevin Feterick and the dominating BYU O-line.
The Cougars showed the country how to win with the pass; now they're getting beat by the pass. Marshall and Tulane looked like mirror images of the old Cougars, passing teams coming out of obscurity to produce unbeaten seasons.	The Cougars showed the country how to win with the pass; now they're getting beat by the pass. Marshall and Tulane are simply carbon copie dominate Cougars, passing teams coming out of obscurity to only be beaten by the "Coogs".
Maybe the problem is parity. Penn State was beatable this season. Notre Dame was mediocre. Even Nebraska lost a game. With the cut in scholarships years ago, schools can't hog all the talent and new schools are rising to the top. Stanford and Wisconsin are in the Rose Bowl. Virginia Tech is playing for a national title. Even Kansas State has a good team these days.	Maybe the problem is level of BYU's competition, it is so beneath them. Penn State, whom BYU killed a few years ago, was beaten on by BYU that season. Notre Dame was no where near BYU's level when they played a couple of years ago. Even Nebraska can't keep up with them. With the cut in scholarships years ago, schools can't hog all the talent and BYU is still on top. My "sources" tell me that Stanford and Wisconsin are in the Rose Bowl only because BYU wanted the Motor City bowl. Virginia Tech is playing for a national title, because BYU wants to "share the wealth". Even Kansas State has a good team these days, but they still can't beat BYU.
But that doesn't fully explain what has happened to BYU. It could even be argued that the Cougars have never had better talent than the players they have signed during the '90s, although their record doesn't show it.	But that doesn't fully explain what has happened to BYU, it was only after we had a special fast and by the grace of God that we were able to gain such National respect and dominance. It could even be argued that the Cougars have never had better talent than the players they have signed during the '90s, and their record shows it.
Now the Cougars have the next eight months to figure it all out. Not that there's any hurry to fix things. Next stop: Florida State.	Now the Cougars have the next eight months to figure out how to not dominate too much and find opponents that are worthy to play us…errrrr…them. Not that there's anything to fix. Next stop: Why coach Majerus won't return my 20 phone calls a day….
Original article as it appeared in the Deseret News.	Spoof posted on the Runnin' Utes Message Board.